That one time I betrayed the forest.

I have explored a lot about my past lives. In fact learning about past lives was one of the first things I took a deep dive into during my first spiritual awakening. At one point I seriously considered becoming a past life regression therapist. It fascinates me so much. After reading every book I could get my hands on about past life regression I decided to book a session with a therapist in San Francisco. I had a couple preconceived notions that were quickly dissolved. One was I thought when you were hypnotized that you wouldn’t remember the experience. That was not the case. It was almost like I was able to experience myself as Meagan and also witness myself like a memory returning.

As the therapist counted me down he said look at your feet. My feet were big, hairy and brown. I was obviously a man. My legs were hairy and bare. As he was trying to lead me away from my feet I remember feeling shocked and it was hard to stop looking at my feet. I don’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it. It occurred to me that this was a very long time ago. This was not a civilized time. The next moment was probably the most profound 2 seconds of my life. I felt the feeling of being connected to the land. I knew everything I needed to know. How to eat, how to breath. There was no fuss, needy feeling, no loneliness. Just a complete feeling of Sovereignty. The therapist took me forward to my death. I was swimming in what I believe was the amazon. A giant black anaconda wrapped itself around my body. I remember being scared for a second and then knowing this was my death and letting go. What totally blew my mind was the visceral feeling. My whole body felt constricted and then tingly. It was absolutely wild and nothing I would have every thought to imagine. 

In meditations and acupuncture sessions I have experienced glimpses into other lives. In one I saw myself ,again as a man, on my knees crying to the forest that had just been cut down. I knew from the feeling that I was responsible for this. I had sold out. I don’t know if I owned the land and sold it or gave away information but the feeling was certain. I had betrayed the forest and the land and in doing so I had severed myself from Sacred. This I believe was the moment of my separation from source. I believe we are not separate from god but each aspects of a whole connected being. This of course wasn’t as clear until this past weekend. 

I have struggled so deeply with the division of what I believe to be sacred and to the farm. I would tell myself things like, the people are only here for the dahlias. They don’t want to see the connection to spirit. Your beliefs are too much for people. Blah blah blah. All that was just noise. The reason I wasn’t able to fully integrate was because that past life trauma was still creating a disconnect. I went to an NET  (NUERO EMOTIONAL TECHNIQUE) session on Saturday where this trauma was released. When I am in these sessions I often will see the original memory flash as it leaves my body. It’s a deeply profound healing modality, especially if you are highly sensitive like me. Im forever grateful to Dr. Jae Reed at Azure Sky Chiropractic (in Oakland) for his work.

I was able to clear this chasm inside my spirit. I know with all the clarity in the world that I am here to rebuild the bridge to sacred. How sad it is that our forests (lungs) have been cut down and our rivers and oceans (blood) so deeply polluted. How sad to not see each flower (spirit)as perfect little miracles. We aren’t here to fight for our planet. Fighting isn’t the right vibration. We are here to fall back in love with her and in doing so, fall back in love with ourselves.