My Church

When we were searching for a church to baptize the girls, I imagined my perfect church. It was outdoors surrounded by nature, beautiful trees and flowers surrounding the meadow where we sat. I always feel closest to God or the Divine when I am in nature. Also in my church Everyone is welcome. There is NO judgement. The only requirement is an open heart. 

What we talk about in my church, isn't a leader. There are many leaders, we are all leaders. We talk about life and love. We talk about how to love deeper, how to manage our emotions, how to create a better more loving world. 

In my church we are the leaders of the future. We are connected to the divine through ourselves, through  our hearts and wombs. By healing ourselves we can better serve the world. There is no money box, rather community and respect. We cherish our sacred space. 

We offer rituals for rites of passage such as pregnancy, birth, periods, menopause, graduation, new jobs, new homes, ended relationships, marriage. We offer friendship and compassion. My church asks you to do your best and try and improve when you mess up yet honor the mess. You learn from the hard times. Forgive yourself and move on. But mostly my church teaches UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and respect for our precious, beautiful planet. We come from a place of wanting to improve and include not judge and attack. 

That is my church.

That one time I betrayed the forest.

I have explored a lot about my past lives. In fact learning about past lives was one of the first things I took a deep dive into during my first spiritual awakening. At one point I seriously considered becoming a past life regression therapist. It fascinates me so much. After reading every book I could get my hands on about past life regression I decided to book a session with a therapist in San Francisco. I had a couple preconceived notions that were quickly dissolved. One was I thought when you were hypnotized that you wouldn’t remember the experience. That was not the case. It was almost like I was able to experience myself as Meagan and also witness myself like a memory returning.

As the therapist counted me down he said look at your feet. My feet were big, hairy and brown. I was obviously a man. My legs were hairy and bare. As he was trying to lead me away from my feet I remember feeling shocked and it was hard to stop looking at my feet. I don’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it. It occurred to me that this was a very long time ago. This was not a civilized time. The next moment was probably the most profound 2 seconds of my life. I felt the feeling of being connected to the land. I knew everything I needed to know. How to eat, how to breath. There was no fuss, needy feeling, no loneliness. Just a complete feeling of Sovereignty. The therapist took me forward to my death. I was swimming in what I believe was the amazon. A giant black anaconda wrapped itself around my body. I remember being scared for a second and then knowing this was my death and letting go. What totally blew my mind was the visceral feeling. My whole body felt constricted and then tingly. It was absolutely wild and nothing I would have every thought to imagine. 

In meditations and acupuncture sessions I have experienced glimpses into other lives. In one I saw myself ,again as a man, on my knees crying to the forest that had just been cut down. I knew from the feeling that I was responsible for this. I had sold out. I don’t know if I owned the land and sold it or gave away information but the feeling was certain. I had betrayed the forest and the land and in doing so I had severed myself from Sacred. This I believe was the moment of my separation from source. I believe we are not separate from god but each aspects of a whole connected being. This of course wasn’t as clear until this past weekend. 

I have struggled so deeply with the division of what I believe to be sacred and to the farm. I would tell myself things like, the people are only here for the dahlias. They don’t want to see the connection to spirit. Your beliefs are too much for people. Blah blah blah. All that was just noise. The reason I wasn’t able to fully integrate was because that past life trauma was still creating a disconnect. I went to an NET  (NUERO EMOTIONAL TECHNIQUE) session on Saturday where this trauma was released. When I am in these sessions I often will see the original memory flash as it leaves my body. It’s a deeply profound healing modality, especially if you are highly sensitive like me. Im forever grateful to Dr. Jae Reed at Azure Sky Chiropractic (in Oakland) for his work.

I was able to clear this chasm inside my spirit. I know with all the clarity in the world that I am here to rebuild the bridge to sacred. How sad it is that our forests (lungs) have been cut down and our rivers and oceans (blood) so deeply polluted. How sad to not see each flower (spirit)as perfect little miracles. We aren’t here to fight for our planet. Fighting isn’t the right vibration. We are here to fall back in love with her and in doing so, fall back in love with ourselves. 

Transparency and Trust

Once a shaman said to me, “oh you carry lightning energy.” I’m glad I don’t carry that energy. He told me if I ever step out of alignment the universe will abrasively course correct. I knew exactly what he meant about this lightning energy.

When someone tells me a lie I feel it like a lightning bolt in my body. When something isn’t right it feels like I’m a cat with my fur being pet the wrong way. It physically feels awful to me. 

Living in our lovely world has been painful as hell for me. However, I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I woke up this morning and I realized what a blessing all of this pain has been now that I know how to release it from my body. Love. Bringing love to the parts of myself that go into extreme judgment, feel unworthy, being constantly misunderstood are just a few of these places I’ve started to bring love to. I feel like I’m thawing out after being frozen.

As I’ve reached into this deep financial low with the farm I have found a piece of myself that I haven’t met yet. I love her. She’s the integral piece I needed right now.

I feel like I can finally celebrate the wholeness of who I am and the very unique skill sets that I hold because of my previous career and work as an energy healer. 

I’m sure you already know this by now, I am a BIG picture thinker. That didn’t come with big-picture confidence. However, I hold this lightning energy so I can navigate into this unknown space because I trust what my body is telling me. Although there have been many times that I didn’t honor it, it is now my guiding light. 

When I worked as a makeup artist for the media and for these businesses that directly impact our culture, I questioned so much about what was so uncomfortable to me. Let me start this by saying it isn’t the people. People are people. It is the structure of these companies that create the problem. It is the missing heartbeat of these companies. Most of them are based on money, power, and worst of all fear. There are hidden agendas everywhere that my big picture thinking would see. I felt like I was so out of place because I couldn’t conform to this way of thinking. Love has always been my religion. I have not always been a nice person, I have my moments of being very unpleasant so please don’t think I’m saying all this from a pedestal. I’m a person that wallows in humility often. I just see things differently. And that is my gift.

So in this low, I’ve rediscovered my “why” I have an opportunity to make a big impact by building a business with a heartbeat. I am dedicated to creating a space that brings peace, wonder, healing, and connection back to humanity through beauty and flowers, by building a company with transparency and trust.

I am rebuilding a better financial structure that works with this vision I have for sovereignty for humanity. I was still trying to play by the structures that don’t support my vision. I’ve found a way to rebuild. More on that later.

I felt it was important to tell all of you about this because you are the community I serve and vice versa. The emails I received after announcing that we wouldn’t be selling tubers were so heartwarming. Thank you for taking the time to write them. A few were the love that pulled me from the darkness. Thank you. How fortunate we are to share in our love for dahlias. 😍

We really are united by love for flowers. I promise to continue to grow this company with transparency so we can start to remember what trust feels like again. Thank you for being here. 

With love and flowers, 

Heart-Centered Business

Have you ever felt like you’re here to do something important and meaningful but everyone around you keeps telling you something different about yourself?

That was me. Luckily I’ve always had a little rebel in me that does exactly what I want. I might become slightly delayed by the surrounding projections but I am crystal clear on what I am creating. My real struggle was always having the BIG ideas but felt overwhelmed on how to execute them. 

I didn’t go the college route. I went to makeup school. My business education was from the people whose makeup I was doing. I asked a lot of questions and tuned into their stories. 

I remember being crammed in a bathroom doing makeup at The Ritz Carlton in Laguna Beach for Fortune’s Most Powerful Women Conference. I was meeting all these badass women and thinking this is great, but I would prefer to be sitting at the table. These women are changing things. What makes these women so successful? Dreams need actionable steps to become real.

I knew I needed to learn more about business, how to build a website. I knew I needed to learn how to become the woman I was meant to be. 

When I learned about B-School it was an “Ah-ha” moment. Here was Marie Forleo. A woman who made her own way. She is super successful and didn’t sell out on her own values to get there. This woman is helping people create success while creating a heart-centered business. This was what I was looking for.

I was on a super tight budget and I didn’t think I could afford it but I decided to invest in myself. 

Let me tell you…. That was the best money I have ever spent… well until I bought The Happy Dahlia Farm. 

From a practical sense, I learned how to create a website, and I actually enjoyed doing it. I learned how to build an email list. I got very clear on what my dream customer was. 

I honestly don’t know if I would be where I am today had I not made that investment in myself. 

While my dream customer hasn’t changed my whole industry has. I found a business that is absolutely perfect for me. My deep love for flowers, community, and healing have all come together. One of my many passions is helping people, especially women, remember their own power and remind them that it is possible to lead with love. We are all more powerful than we think. Our impact substantial, either in a positive way or negative way. When we make a conscious choice to move in alignment we create positive shifts for everyone around us. I always knew I wanted a heart-centered business that had a positive influence on humanity, our planet, and our spiritual wellbeing. B-school gave me the practical skills to help me take action on my dreams. I personally want to see more businesses with a heart surface.

One of the best parts about it, I can keep going back to B-school. I started out hyper-focused on the basics but I have evolved so I can rewatch the modules and learn more every time. Each Module is packed with information, resources, and support. I love to learn and all the information is digestible and fun. I feel renewed, inspired, and empowered every time I go back through it.  I was chosen to be an affiliate for the program this year and I am so excited I am taking it again!

If you are interested and learning about B-School, here is a sweet little free training series.

Makeup Artist turned Flower Farmer.

I dreamt of becoming a Hollywood makeup artist at 13. By 14 I had added the additional dream of having my own makeup line. I pursued those dreams like they were my northern star for the next 18 years.

I had a very fun career as a t.v. makeup artist. I started in San Francisco at The View from the Bay when I was 19. ABC called and asked if I could work 3-4 days a week for my day rate from 12-4pm, oh and they only needed me on days that there were celebrities or big names. It was a dream job!! When I left work I would call my friends or family bursting with joy, to tell them about my day or to tell them how much I loved my job. It was a time I look back on with so much gratitude. The good ole days.

Then the economy crashed and vanities were the first to go on our little local show. During that time I learned about hustling. How many jobs would I need to book to make ends meet? I would have to wait 30/60 sometimes 90 days or more to get paid after a job. It was a constant rollercoaster, but I loved what I did so I made it work. I loved the people that I got to work with and I LOVED making people feel good.

I had so deeply associated my identity in my career that I never imagined I would do anything else. I was as much of a makeup artist as I was my own name.

I eventually landed at Bloomberg and then CNBC where I was submerged in business news. I learned as much as I could from the entrepreneurs and technology innovators and reporters as I could. I asked questions and soaked it all up. I loved business but in my heart I was mourning the loss of passion for my career.

My passion for my career was a steering wheel throughout my life. Everything in my life could be falling apart but I kept driving because I had that passion leading me. When that passion left it was terrifying! Who was I if not a makeup artist?

I said nothing. I just tried to get it back. I worked on ways to rekindle a spark. I was desperate for that feeling of credence.

I decided to finally move forward with my makeup line. I had talked about it for years and never had the conviction to move forward. I decided that a “Holiday Collection” was minimal risk and wrapped up my dream. Then I can “Be done with it!” . I Knew it was a last hoorah but I felt like I needed to complete this dream before I could explore what was next. You know what??

It was super fun! I learned a lot about business through that experience. One big lesson I learned is, TAKE ACTION. I had over thought and over analyzed for years. It was so much easier that I thought it would be. And I could check it off my list. It was a great experience.

I was still working at CNBC and something happened to me before I would go to work. I would get knots in my stomach and anxiety before I went in.

This didn’t make logical sense. I loved the people I worked with. I was doing makeup on super interesting people, but I was just over it. I was done.

I had recently finished training for reiki master. For those of you that don’t know what that is it is a form of energy healing.

Reiki was a huge component to my opening up and letting go of what wasn’t in alignment. It also was the catalyst that blew open my intuition and spiritual development. I made the choice to leave tv and head more into the healing arts.

I LOVE energy healing! It was the missing link in my existence.

There was a whole part of myself that I had been neglecting and that now I understood. I started to really love myself. I started to see my “sensitivities” as my gift. However, I didn’t feel like healing one on one was all that I was supposed to be doing. I have always felt like I was supposed to do something big and important. I am still not sure what that is, but my intuition is in charge and she is never wrong.

My reiki schedule would ebb and flow. I had busy weeks and then I would need rest. My phone would stop ringing when I needed a break and start back up when I was ready. It was pretty amazing.

After a awhile I started craving dirt. I just wanted to be outside. I secretly looked up farming jobs but it didn’t make logical sense. A few friends laughed when I told them and I guess I silently agreed it was silly.

Then I met Kate, the former owner of Aztec Dahlias. She was selling her business and every part of my body and soul screamed YES!

Clarity

The road to flower farming was paved with magic. Had I been the “me” I was 5 years ago, I may have missed the road.

I have always had a strong intuition but I haven’t always trusted it. Now my intuition is as sacred to me as my breath. If you think about it has your gut instinct ever been wrong? Not for me, but there have been thousands of times I let my mind win the battle.

When I look back on the pieces of the puzzle that I was holding on to, dreaming of and guided to, I can see that this was always the road for me.

I just did NOT see it coming, not even a little.

There have been these moments of extreme clarity in my life. One was when I met my husband (very drunk at a bar in Las Vegas, a very amusing story for another day).

Another was last year, when I found the perfect, non traditional school for my two daughters. I didn’t know much about Waldorf (I still don’t) but it matched the vision I had for my kids. My eldest daughter was coming home from her previous Kindergarten stressed. It was a wonderful school but it wasn’t the right school for her. I wanted something different and more loving. I believed it was out there and then a friend told me about their new school out of the blue. Now my girls (prior to Covid) will come home covered in dirt and smiles. They have begun to cultivate a relationship with nature, to me that is my biggest win as a mother.

The other big moment of clarity was about buying Aztec Dahlias (now The Happy Dahlia Farm).

It was not on my radar. My dear childhood friend texted me about an unrelated issue and we briefly caught up. He shared with me that he had met his person and sent me a picture of this beautiful woman surrounded by the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen. I instantly agreed that she was his person. They both have that light that lights up a room.

I had secretly looked up flower farming jobs four months before but was a little discouraged when a few people laughed when I told them and thought I was crazy.

My friend told me his new love had a dahlia farm and I asked if she was hiring. He said “No she is selling her business.” My heart took a breath, an EXHALE. I know that sounds odd, but it was visceral. It literally felt like my heart exhaled.

Later that day I met Kate.

I didn’t know what a tuber was but there I stood in front of 60,000 of them.

My poor husband came home from work and I said “I think I am going to buy a flower farm.” He eventually came around saying “This is the best stupid idea you have had.”

We had been dreaming of a property that we could have mini festivals that could benefit things like ocean clean up. I had been leading healing ceremonies and doing energy healing so I wanted a “healing center.”

I didn’t realize it would manifest itself in the form of a flower farm.

So here I am starting a new business at 36. And this is why I am not freaking out, (most days I am not…there are occasional freak-outs) because I trust my intuition. I trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be. Yes I have so so much to learn, and I am learning more and more everyday. I love learning. I am also learning that it is okay to make mistakes. As a former perfectionist, this is a humbling and hard lesson, a lesson I am grateful for.

It is all about the journey. It’s about following a thousand tiny instincts that lead you to unexpected surprises. It’s about surrendering what you think you want, what you think you know, so that the universe can realign you to something even more spectacular.